


love's messengers and love's capture

by soobinnie



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Dealing With Loss, Hurt, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-13
Updated: 2019-03-13
Packaged: 2019-11-16 13:23:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,875
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18095126
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soobinnie/pseuds/soobinnie
Summary: Jaemin loves to look at a certain painting at the local art museum.Jisung wonders why.





	love's messengers and love's capture

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first work on here and was written spontaneously so it wasn't really planned aah. do excuse any mistakes cause this wasn't proofread, but either way enjoy!

Jisung refused to get out of the house — he had made that clear to Donghyuck and Jeno. But as usual, they didn’t care what the youngest had to say and by the time Jisung actually had a chance to say something, they were taking the bus to the city.

The bus wasn’t that packed that day, and the streets weren’t as crowded either. Maybe because it was an afternoon on a Wednesday, and the city wasn’t as alive and busy as it usually was when Jisung was late for school or he was rushing to catch the bus home.

“Where are we even going?” Halfway through the ride, Jisung asked Jeno who was sitting beside him. Jisung mindlessly tapped on the window, playing a game of I spy with himself. He caught the green doors of apartments, yellow taxi cars buzzing by the slow-moving bus, the bright blue sky that swam to a shade of grey west of the city. All the colors seemed to really pop that day except his own article of clothing: black and white striped long sleeve shirt, black pants, and black shoes. Nothing screamed more darkness than Jisung himself that day.

“You’ll see.” From the tone in Jeno’s voice, Jisung could tell he was smiling. The younger didn’t bother to look to his left to know.

“First you force me out of the house and now you’re bringing me somewhere suspicious. Such friends you are.”

“Hey, you’ll thank us later.” Jisung scoffed at Jeno’s words, knowing very well he probably won’t thank him, especially considering the fact that Jisung had absolutely zero idea where their destination was. Slowly one by one everyone else got off the bus except him, Jeno, and Donghyuck. The bus driver took a glance at the three boys from the rear view mirror but said nothing.

Jisung knew exactly where the bus’ last stop was: it’s right near the beach near a diner, which is situated just after a local university. Once when Jisung was bored and didn’t feel like coming home yet he hopped on the last bus of the day just to see where it would stop. He had to call Mark to pick him up, but it was worth it seeing another side of the city he had never seen before. In fact, he remembered exactly what the beach was like that day. The sun was just about to set (he was stuck late at school doing an assignment so he went home late) and it was a gradient of pink and orange. The waves were calm, and the sun was just about to drown in the soft orange seas. Flocks of birds were travelling to the other side, and the wind was nice. He didn’t know how else to describe it — it was just nice. There weren’t that many people on the beach either, probably because it was a Monday and everyone was either coming home from work or from school, but he did notice a few couples walking on the sands together, hand in hand. If Jisung could live in such a sensation forever, it would be exactly that.

In the middle of reminiscing that perfect day, Jisung felt the bus stop to a halt. Jeno tugged on Jisung’s sleeve, telling him to come down. As Jisung got off, he noticed the large monument-like building in front of him that almost shrunk him. He felt the familiarity in the architecture, but he couldn’t seem to fish it out of his memory.

“Come on, stop gaping at the building.” Donghyuck half smirked at Jisung, nodding towards the building.

“I wasn’t gaping,” Jisung scowled, following behind Donghyuck while Jeno walked beside him. Though he wasn’t, he surely was fascinated by the interior. He couldn’t remember the last time he visited an art museum. He knew he had been here at some point, but he just couldn’t remember when it was. All he knew was that it felt like the first time again.

For the first few paintings, Jisung walked together with Jeno and Donghyuck. He copied their movements of looking intently at each painting, taking their time to observe the brush strokes, the colors . . .

But Jisung was bored.

The boy eventually wandered off by himself when Jeno and Donghyuck weren’t noticing and decided to look at another part of the museum that wasn’t as crowded. There was one aisle that was almost empty, only occupied by a boy with pink hair. He had his eyes fixated on two paintings set side by side, and for once Jisung was actually intrigued.

“It’s pretty, isn’t it?” The boy spoke before Jisung could even reach the paintings. He turned around, thinking the boy must’ve been talking to someone else, but it was just the two of them in that aisle.

“Um . . .”

“Not one for paintings?” The pink-haired boy turned around to lock eyes with Jisung, and when they did he had the sweetest smile on his face. He wasn’t asking the question like he was judging Jisung, no, but like he was understanding.

“No, to be honest.” Jisung dropped his head as he walked closer to the boy. When he lifted his head, he could finally see the paintings up close and, weirdly, felt a sense of closeness, familiarity.

“These are pretty though, aren’t they?” The boy asked again, turning back to look at the paintings again.

“Yeah, yeah they are,” Jisung replied, actually taking interest. The colors were soft in his eyes, and unlike some of the paintings Jeno and Donghyuck were looking at earlier, the messages in these ones were easy for him to decipher.

“1901 to 1902,” the boy spoke again, as if replying a question Jisung didn’t ask.

“You study art?”

The boy shrugged, turning back to Jisung. “I just have a lot of free time. Jaemin, by the way.”

Jisung nodded, replying, “I’m Jisung.”

It didn’t take long for them to go back to silence. Occasionally one or two students would pass down the aisle to look at the paintings, but none would stay long enough to observe them up close.

“Are these your favorite paintings?” Jisung asked Jaemin. He was curious, because almost five minutes had passed and Jaemin still hadn’t moved on from the two paintings. He was probably here even longer than that considering Jaemin was already looking at the paintings when Jisung arrived.

Jisung expected an answer, but nothing came out of Jaemin. He just stood there, hypnotized by the two women in each painting. Jisung almost wanted to wave a hand in front of Jaemin’s face but he thought that would be rude.

“Okay, um . . .” Jisung tried to think of something else to spark a conversation out of the two. He thought he probably made the situation awkward and just really wanted to get out of it. “Do you come here often?”

Jaemin broke out of his trance, breaking into a chuckle. “Actually, yes. I used to come here often with someone but we stopped. This is my first time going here again since.”

“What happened?” Jisung asked out of curiosity.

 

Jaemin waved it off. “It’s nothing, really. Some stuff happened that prevented me from going and we just stopped going. I have to admit though, going here alone isn’t the same as going with him.”

Jisung nodded, not sure of what to reply. He continued to look at the painting, this time observing from the very top to the very bottom. He was just about done when he heard Donghyuck’s voice from a distance, “Park Jisung!”

 

“Shh!” Jeno’s voice followed Donghyuck’s, giving him a look. “Don’t yell in here!”

Donghyuck made a face at Jeno before going back to Jisung. “Hey, Jeno and I are hungry so we wanna get something at the restaurant nearby. You wanna come with?”

“Sure, I—” Jisung turned around expecting Jaemin to still be there. To his surprise, the mop of pink hair in a full head-to-toe white outfit was no longer there.

“What’s wrong?” Jeno asked, looking at the same spot Jisung was looking at.

“I . . .” Jisung started, but he didn’t want his friends to think something was off with him. Instead, Jisung put on a small smile and replied, “Nothing, it’s nothing. Let’s just go, I’m hungry too.”

Jisung couldn’t stop thinking Jaemin while they were eating at the restaurant. And throughout the bus ride home. And when he had dinner with his family at home that night. And when he went to sleep. Jisung was almost certain Jaemin was going to end up in his dreams, but he drifted to sleep peacefully without another thought. The only thing left on his mind was that he wanted to see Jaemin again, he wanted to see more of him. Moreover, he wanted to know why he didn’t say anything when Jisung asked if the two paintings were his favorites. Sure, it was nothing, but for some reason it bothered Jisung and he wanted to see Jaemin again.

School didn’t start until Monday, but that only applied for Jisung. Jeno, Donghyuck, Mark, and Jisung’s other friends had to go back to school the next day, which meant Jisung was alone for the rest of the week. Thankfully the museum was all too noticeable, so it wasn’t hard for Jisung to know where his stop was. Like the previous day, it wasn’t crowded with people so it was almost like Jisung had the whole museum to himself. He remembered all too well the aisle where he met Jaemin was and, almost as expected, Jaemin was in the same spot in the same outfit as yesterday.

“You’re here again,” Jaemin spoke without even looking to check if it was Jisung.

“So are you,” Jisung replied, earning a smirk from Jaemin. This time he was sitting on one of the benches that was situated in the middle of the room. Jisung took the seat next to him, looking up at the paintings again.

“So what are these called?” Jisung felt stupid the minute the words came out as there was a small information card underneath the paintings right where he could see. Jaemin didn’t seem to think so though as he replied while pointing to each painting, “Love’s Messengers and Love’s Capture.”

The titles made a lot of sense to Jisung. A cupid was flying overhead the two women, identifying it as a messenger of the love being sent by the figures in the painting. Then there was another cupid curled up in the dress of the other woman, identifying it was a capture of the love from the previous painting. Or at least that was Jisung’s interpretation of the paintings. He wasn’t an expert in art let alone was he entirely interested in it, but judging by the almost too obvious titles and paintings, he guessed that was the message being told.

“Do you ever look at any other painting besides these ones?” Jisung asked almost as a joke, but maybe it came out differently to Jaemin. Still, the older boy replied.

“I’ve looked through every single painting they’ve hung in this place. Each one is different and so beautiful in their own ways but . . .” Jaemin’s voice drifted as he looked down, tapping his fingers on the bench.

“But?”

Jaemin looked up at Jisung, smiling as he shook his head. “Nothing. Nothing, really.” He paused for a moment before asking, “So if you don’t like paintings, why were you here yesterday? And why are you here again today?”

Jisung didn’t mind telling him about yesterday, but going back here just to see Jaemin again? Jisung would rather keep that information to himself. “My friends dragged me out of the house yesterday cause apparently they think I had been cooped up in there for too long. And I’m here again today because . . . well, cause all my friends are at school and I didn’t wanna seem like a total loser being at home by myself but now I just look like an even bigger loser being at museum by myself.”

Jaemin let out a small laugh, one that rung in Jisung’s ears. “Why aren’t you at school?”

Jisung furrowed his eyebrows, digging through his memory. He was looking for something that he knew he was supposed to know but for some reason something was blocking him, and he couldn’t find a way through it.

“I . . . I’m sorry, this may sound weird but I actually can’t remember. I just know that the school’s giving me time off to rest at home but . . . I can’t remember what for.”

“Are you sick?” Jaemin asked.

Jisung gave an all too obvious expression and Jaemin raised his hands in defence. “Okay, I was just asking,” Jaemin replied. “But hey, it doesn’t matter. At least being here’s better than staying at home alone, right?”

Jisung simply nodded. This time he asked Jaemin, “What about you? Why aren’t you at school?”

“Oh, I’ve been out of school for a while now. Almost two weeks actually, maybe more. Actually, I can’t remember either. It must have been longer than that. I’d say about a month,” Jaemin replied.

“You’re not sick, are you?” This time Jaemin chuckled as he rolled his eyes, giving the obvious answer to Jisung’s question.

Jaemin looked at Jisung, who was looking at the floor instead of at Jaemin. “Let’s just say I’m taking a break from school. Kind of like you, actually, but I’m giving myself a break instead of the school.”

“Pft, my mom would kill me if I did that. She’s always telling me to be on time for school and to make sure that I get all my assignments done on time,” Jisung commented, swinging his feet.

Jaemin responded, “I moved out of my parents’ house when the new school year started. I only had another year or two to graduate high school anyway and I thought what better way to prepare me living alone for college than living away from my parents in high school?”

“And they let you move out just like that?”

“It’s not like I moved anywhere far from their house. It was a small studio apartment with a 15-minute walking distance. It’s still close to the city though, so they had nothing to worry about. And I often had my friends visit me so I was never lonely.”

Jisung smiled, picturing the image in his head. “Must be nice. But was?”

Jaemin slowly nodded. “I moved out the same time I dropped—took a break from school.” Jisung eyed Jaemin, studying his face. “Now I’m kind of just couch-hopping, you know?”

“But—”

“Hey, kid.” Before Jisung could continue, a janitor interrupted him. The man, almost in his middle ages, looked at Jisung with a look of concern on his face. “You okay there?”

“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?” Jisung asked in return, just as confused. The janitor slowly nodded and moved on, but when Jisung turned to Jaemin, he wasn’t there anymore, just like yesterday. Jisung wondered where Jaemin could have gone, especially without him noticing, but he tried not to think too much of it.

Unfortunately, it wasn’t easy to forget about Jaemin. He lingered on Jisung’s mind all through day and night and no matter what Jisung did, Jaemin was still there sitting at the back of his mind. Jisung had so many questions, like why Jaemin was always there, why he kept looking at the paintings . . . He knew he could have just asked them himself, but all Jaemin’s answers were vague.

Jisung couldn’t go back to the museum the next day since his family wanted to spend time with him, so he waited until the weekend to drag Jeno and Donghyuck along with him.

“Is this revenge for us dragging you out of the house? Because if it is, we’re sorry and we apologize and we promise we’ll never do anything like that again.” It was funny to see Jeno anxious, especially since Jisung was, literally, the first thing Jeno saw when he opened his eyes. He was standing right over his bed when Jeno woke up. In fact, Jisung was lucky Jeno didn’t keep a bat anywhere near him.

“Maybe,” Jisung answered simply, hiding the smirk on his face. Meanwhile, he could feel Donghyuck rolling his eyes.

“Oh please, if he wanted revenge he wouldn’t have taken us to the same place we took him.” Jeno looked out the window, almost surprised to see they were at the art museum. He looked between Jisung and the building, and then at Donghyuck.

“Jisung, why’d you take us here?” Jeno asked almost in a worry. The youngest stayed quiet as he hopped off the bus first, looking behind him as if telling the other two boys to follow him suit.

Without another question asked, Jisung immediately went straight for the same aisle he’d meet Jaemin. He wasn’t sure if Jaemin would be there again, but to his heart’s content, he was there in the same usual spot in the same outfit.

“You’re here again,” Jaemin said. He never spoke with a tone of irritation. There was not once did he speak to Jisung in annoyance; he was always just calm, content.

“Yeah, I, uh, came here with my friends this time.” Jisung moved aside to see Jeno and Donghyuck looking at him weirdly in confusion.

“What’s wrong?” Jisung asked the two.

“Jisung . . .” Donghyuck started. “Who are you talking to?”

“My friend Jaemin, why?” Jeno quickly took a seat on one of the benches right beside the one Jaemin was sitting on.

“They can’t see me, Jisung,” Jaemin spoke, a sad expression now masking his face.

“What? What are you talking about?”

 

“Jisung, whatever you’re doing, this isn’t funny.” The way Jeno spoke was almost angry, furious. Donghyuck was rubbing his back, trying to calm him down.

“I’m not doing anything!” Jisung exclaimed. He then paused for a moment before asking, “Why did you take me here in the first place.”

Donghyuck let out a sigh. “We were just trying to help you.”

“With what, huh? Tell me why you brought me here in the first place out of all places in the city.” Jisung had his arms folded across his chest. He couldn’t be bothered to see if other people were listening or staring. He was now confused, scared, and neither of the three would give him the answer he was looking for.

Jeno took a deep breath. “Do you remember this place? Do you remember going here so often that you said it yourself you were sick?”

Jisung furrowed his eyebrows. “No?”

“Do you remember why you had to stay at home in the first place? Why the rest of us were at school while you stayed at home?”

“Jeno, just tell me what’s going on.”

“Do you even remember anything at all!” Jeno got up, capturing the attention of everyone else in the room. “You kept denying it ever happened and you pretended that he was never gone for the longest time. This was the place he used to take you almost every single day that you got sick. These were the paintings he used for reference in art class because he thought it described you and him. The rest of us moved on while you still couldn’t face the fact that he’s no longer here. You completely removed him from your memory and now you can’t even remember the things that were associated with him. We took you here because we hoped that it would at least help you remember. He’s not here anymore and no one can do anything about it but you won’t even face that fact.”

Jisung knew exactly where the bus’ last stop was: it’s right near the beach near a diner, which is situated just after a local university. Once when Jisung was bored and didn’t feel like coming home yet he hopped on the last bus of the day just to see where it would stop. He had to call Mark to pick him up, but it was worth it seeing another side of the city he had never seen before. In fact, he remembered exactly what the beach was like that day. The sun was just about to set (he was stuck late at school doing an assignment so he went home late) and it was a gradient of pink and orange. The waves were calm, and the sun was just about to drown in the soft orange seas. Flocks of birds were travelling to the other side, and the wind was nice. He didn’t know how else to describe it — it was just nice. But before he even arrived he could tell there was something wrong. There were lots of people that day — too many people crowded. There was an ambulance and everyone was crowded to one spot on the beach. He tried calling Jaemin, but the phone wouldn’t pick up until about three tries. Jisung was on the verge of crying, and only did the tears eventually spill out when the person speaking on the other line was not the same lullaby-like voice Jaemin had, but a woman’s. If Jisung could forget such a day forever, it would be exactly that — and that was exactly what he did for the last five weeks.

By the time the flush of memories came back to Jisung, he was down on the floor, gripping the bench. He wasn’t crying nor was he making any sounds, and he felt like a volcano that was going to erupt soon. He remembered why Jaemin liked the paintings so much, because Jaemin was the Messenger and Jisung was the Capture. Jisung remembered about Jaemin wanting to paint something like that to resemble their relationship, but he never got around to it because time was ticking and Jaemin was too late.

“You have to let me go.” Despite all the voices that seemed to be screaming in Jisung’s head, he could hear Jaemin’s clearly. He was still sitting on that same bench, not moving a single inch. “You don’t have to forget about me, but you have to let go.”

The image of Jaemin in front of him slowly started to blur out, like it was never supposed to be there in the first place. Jisung wasn’t ready to let go just yet, though. “I just wanted to know why.”

Jaemin smiled sadly. “You know it was never my choice to begin with. I didn’t want it to happen, but I guess it just did. If it had to happen, then it had to, Jisung.” Without another word from either Jisung or Jaemin, the image of the pink-haired boy gradually disappeared from Jisung’s vision.

Jaemin wasn’t there anymore when Jisung visited the art museum the next day, or the next week, or the next month. Jaemin wasn’t anywhere anymore, and it made Jisung feel sick to his stomach. The one thing he regretted the most about their goodbyes was that Jisung never really got to tell Jaemin how happy he made him, how grateful he was for him to have such a person in his life. But like Jaemin said, if it had to happen then it had to, and there was nothing Jisung could do about it.

Not then, not now, not ever.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading! find me on twitter ^__^ [twitter](https://twitter.com/jaembinnie)  
> 


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